Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
