I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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