okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
