peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my shit smells like andre
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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