why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize