I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
