Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
