I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
