so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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