He had one of those small greek statue penises
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
