my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
