Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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