It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
