fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
