why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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