my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
