remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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