If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper