Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.