Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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