Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
