I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize