Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
