So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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