I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
