Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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