i permit you to call me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
