I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
As shirtless as possible
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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