Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
