I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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