I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
