i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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