I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
