i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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