Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
