I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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