Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
