4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
