That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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