Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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