We're facebook friends in real life
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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