I think i sorta joined a cult last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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