I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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