It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
