i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
