life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
