Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
