Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
