maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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