I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
