I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
