peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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