well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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