and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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