My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
