I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
