He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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