No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
