It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
