Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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