Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your dad touched me again.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
