she woke up with a sticky ear
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
