OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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