So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
