I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
