Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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