I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
