Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
