I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
