I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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