Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
