Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
