The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
