I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
