I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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