This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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