Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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