My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
