I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
