He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
