North Korea, Best Korea!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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