On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
