i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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