Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
